I'm expecting I'll have fewer expectations in the future

“I am open to the guidance of synchronicity, and do not let expectations hinder my path.” Dalai Lama

     We do like to plan. Give a species the ability to think abstractly and PRESTO!, they start planning things and promoting the illusion they can actually control everything. If we're not altering the environment with our dams and skyscrapers or attempting to break land speed records and defy gravity, we're often rubbing a rabbit's foot or praying to something in hopes of somehow altering the course of events that way. Regardless, it's all motivated by the desire to control and shape human destiny, often with dire consequences.

      Hey, I'm not throwing stones here. I'm perhaps the biggest control freak of them all. I'm not obsessive-compulsive about small stuff, but I've nearly ruined everything from relationships to my own often precarious hold on sanity because I had such a strong attachment to some of my bigger dreams. It's taken me a while to get to the point where it may have finally sunk in virtually all the truly important events in my life were unexpected, and most of the less important stuff I was focused on either never happened or turned out much differently than I was expecting.

      I never expected to meet my wife when I did. I expected to get married eventually, but the timing and circumstances were entirely unplanned. Virtually every close friendship I have - probably virtually every close friendship any of us have - was unplanned. You can't expect to meet someone you didn't know existed or force a friendship even assuming you knew of them in advance and successfully arranged a meeting.  If there is a friendship out there that wasn't the consequence of a series of happy accidents, I'd love to hear about it.

     Then, of course, there's family. Who can write about failed expectations without mentioning family? We've all heard it said we can choose who to keep as friends, but not family.  I love them all, but talk about a random collection of people with genes in common and often little else... Hopefully my family won't take that the wrong way. After all, I suspect most people can say the same thing about their family. It just comes with the territory. In my case I have Republicans, Democrats, socialists, believers, non-believers, outdoor enthusiasts and people who wouldn't be caught dead within 10 meters of a tent.

      But when it comes to slowly learning to let go of expectations I think it's this move to Canada that has really been the straw that broke the camel's back. We're still here and doing reasonably well at the moment, but that's not because things have gone according to plan. In fact, almost nothing has gone according to plan. From what we thought we'd get from the sale of our home to our expectations when it came to job opportunities in Canada this summer, our expectations have been dashed time and again. It wasn't until recently when we let our expectations go on the grounds there was little to nothing left to lose that things suddenly turned around. In the course of a little over a week our financial situation improved and we found an apartment. I joked with Chris all that was needed was a blog post on dumb luck and literally within a few hours we were beginning to experience some.

      Now if I start to expect things will continue to improve I'll just be jinxing everything, so I'm not going to. One close friend recently reminded me of the Buddhist teaching to strive tirelessly, but not to expect or become attached. Doing so is the source of all suffering. In this spirit I'm expecting to have fewer expectations in the future and just keep striving. With school set to begin in a few days, there should be enough to keep me striving through at least early December. In the meantime, expect nothing from me and I'll try and return the favour.